If where you are is where you’re needed then why in the world are you there?
If my life has purpose, if there’s intentionality in every piece of my life (& I wholeheartedly believe it does & there is), then where I am, who I know, & what I have is intentional. It’s all significant, & there are very few things that give me more peace than knowing there is a reason for it all.
2016 has been a year of challenges & uphill races. I continuously feel like I’m fighting this or that or it all the same time, but you know, that’s intentional, too. I don’t feel at home where I live, & that’s caused significant stirring & questioning from my heart. But, as I have come to find, when you’re staring only into the dark, you get lost really fast.
God & I are very real with one another because I’m a realist, & He’s real. So, because I inherited the characteristic from my mother that gives me a crazy desire to fix that which is broken & enhance that which could be more, I began to ask how in the world I could make this better. This time, it’s a challenge: widen my perspective to one that includes both the dark, sure, but also the light.
There is always good. Always. & when I fail to see it ahead, I look around at the exact place I stand because I believe as long as there is my God, there is good (& my God is a constant, ever-present, & forever kind of God.). My brain works best when words can be used so I sat down, & I began to write all the good that I have in my now.
You see, the life I have been given is evidence to me that God is at work because there in no other way that such beauty can bloom without a constant pouring out of goodness- it doesn’t come from me. Today, I woke up & checked my phone. The little red circle that enclosed a “1” opened up to a message that read, “Good morning to the love of my life.” I smiled, climbed out of my bunk, hit the “brew” button on my coffee maker, & watched the sunrise over the mountains that have turned every shade of fall as the smell of hot espresso filled the room. I walked to class & had a great conversation with the guy who sits across from me that hasn’t responded to any of my other “Good morning’s” all year. I jumped in my car, (& the gas light wasn’t on) turned on Judah & the Lion, & drove as the overcast grey of the sky complimented the moving color palette of the falling leaves. I arrived at a new job that sets my soul on fire because of the work of which I have been invited to take part. I worked, & I was reminded why I love working. Then, I drove to the reservoir to look at the stars because there’s no better way to really connect than an untainted sky & the trillions of stars. All of this good, & that was only today.
The good in my life is so extraordinary. God put the most amazing souls in one place, formed lasting, real friendships, & let me take part. My best friend is also the person I’m in love with. I stumbled across an opportunity to work with a nonprofit that empowers global youth (It’s like God knows my heart & wildest passions.), & they took me on to be a part of the team. I have a crazy, supportive family that accepts me even when they pick up the phone to, “Hey, I’ve been thinking, & I want to completely change the plan.” I have an intimate relationship with the creator of the universe. (What?) I mean, sure, 2016 hasn’t been without its struggles but it’s okay because I’ve been promised an extraordinary life. & all this extraordinary isn’t because of me.
It’s not God’s nature to reveal the future because He knows I’ll never to learn to love my present if I never stop to see it for what it really is. As humans, we’re messy, & there’s always going to be room for improvement. But I truly, genuinely believe there’s more good than bad &, even if it seems there’s more dark than light, that usually isn’t true.
If I was in control, there would be a lot I would change, & probably some things I would have left out. But I look at this life & I think “If that hadn’t happened, if I hadn’t struggled, I wouldn’t have this- I wouldn’t be the version of me that I am.” Everything that I have, that I carry, that I am, is intentional; it all has a reason & a purpose. I know that. It has to be true. & I know if I was in control, I would never have written such a beautiful, messy story. & that’s why I’m not God. Because God’s ideas, God’s redemption, is always so much more beautiful than my mind is willing to dare dream up.